04 Apr Who Pays Bride Price.
THE BRIDE-PRICE OF A BRIDE IS HER PRIDE.
For a woman to work her way to pay her own bride price that a man in question should pay on her, for a reason that is not appreciated by God, such an act is foolish.
She may have a reason for doing so, but God must approve the reason and it must be a justified one. Man always value whatever they sweat and pay for. Man wants to pay a price and work away with value. When a lady pays her own bride price that should come from the man, she does so to walk herself away, not to be taken away by the man.
That is dangerous to the future of the marriage, and she may never be taken serious. As such, she can’t enjoy the marriage.
NOT FOR SALE.
Bride price is not illegal, it’s not ungodly. It has spiritual backing. Any believer who aspires to marry must have it as part of his knowledge that bride price is not just necessary, it is also compulsory. It is a token of recognition to the family before taking away their child in marriage.
It is unfortunate that some families took bride price out of context. It became a source by which money and some other material things are generated on female children. Furthermore, it is so bad that some individuals in the family will rather prefer that the lady remains in the family, and not married. Especially if the man who is interested in her is unable to raise or met up with the exorbitant family bride price list.
They don’t consider the future of the couple. It is what they will gain immediately that matters to them.
They are not different from the pharisees in the Bible as it is written in:
Matthew 23:2-7 & 16-19
2. “The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat.
3. So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach.
4. They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.
4. “Everything they do is done for people to see: They make their phylacteries wide and the tassels on their garments long;
6. they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues;
7. they love to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces and to be called ’Rabbi’ by others.
16. “Woe to you, blind guides! You say, ’If anyone swears by the temple, it means nothing; but anyone who swears by the gold of the temple is bound by that oath.’
17. You blind fools! Which is greater: the gold, or the temple that makes the gold sacred?
18. You also say, ’If anyone swears by the altar, it means nothing; but anyone who swears by the gift on the altar is bound by that oath.’
19. You blind men! Which is greater: the gift, or the altar that makes the gift
In some tribes, this has put many young families into the debts they can never recover from for a long time in their lives. Even some for the rest of their lives.
Do you know that this practice of exorbitant bride prices has made some ladies remain single because of ignorance? Some, who later married, married late. Even married to someone they don’t love, which they kept regretted.
Case study.
Intruder, third-party, inevitable figures who got involved in the relationship of a young to-be couple played their role as they know how to do it best. The relationship did not work out, it came to an end. It wasn’t the wish of the intended couple, ignorantly they parted.
Several years later, they met, and the woman busted into tears, regretted their relationship separation. Her current marriage, as at the time they met again, was nothing to write home about with the man she got married to.
The earlier we remember that female children are not for sale in the name of marriage, the better it is for them to have a peaceful home.
This has raised a difference ideology in some men who are victims of that, because of how they were taxed to get their wives from the family, they believe she’s their property; therefore, they can do anything with their property.
Marriage is meant to be enjoyed. And that enjoyment begins with the process that ushers the lady to her husband’s house. It is part of her foundation into the marriage.
Bride price shouldn’t turn to extortion.
Benefits of bride price.
1. Pride.
It is the pride of the lady, it honours her in front of all who witness the families’ engagement occasion. What you offer, and the quality, tells what she worths to you. It tells how much you value her.
2. Proof of legitimacy.
It is a proof to show that the relationship is legitimate, and the families approve of it. The family demand, which is called bride price, communicates a handshake of love. It is the wheel the groom’s family rides on to meet the bride’s family.
It gives the family every boldness to come to take the lady for their son. Visiting the family of the bride empty-handed is a sign which shows that both the groom and his family are not serious. They are not on the same page with the bride’s family.
3. The Fulfillment of biblical ordinance.
Every Christian owes God and the kingdom the responsibility to carry out the word of God in his daily life activities, bride price is inclusive. No Christian, as a matter of fact, must take anyone’s daughter without his, her and the family’s consent. And in most cases, the bride price is the symbol of commitment.
Just as it is in the Bible.
Genesis 24:51-53
51Behold, Rebekah is before thee, take her, and go, and let her be thy master’s son’s wife, as the LORD hath spoken.
52. And it came to pass, that, when Abraham’s servant heard their words, he worshiped the LORD, bowing himself to the earth.
53. And the servant brought forth jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment, and gave them to Rebekah: he gave also to her brother and to her mother precious things.
4. Evidence to both the families.
Bride price is evidence to show both the family that the young man and the young woman who are to be the couple are serious. After all, there are relationships that never existed beyond the knowledge of the primary parties.
The fact that a relationship ends or remains with the two primary parties alone is a pointer to show that no contract is existing yet. It is still a child play. It is when the man in question collects the bride price list from the bride’s family, and approves that his family should respond to it positively and the family do so, that interest is affirmed.
Positive response here means that the parents should go ahead in putting together the things that constitute the Bride price; for the meeting of the bride and groom’s families. It is a sign of seriousness, also, to officially have the consent of the woman’s family to release their daughter for the union.
Bride price, therefore, remains an indication to perform.
5. Cementing family relationship.
Bride price authenticates the intending relationship set to occur between the family of the bride and that of the groom. It brings the relationship into reality.
6. Respect for culture.
Culture is people’s way of life, as to behaviour, food, dressing, religion and beliefs.
Bride price varies from culture to culture. Bride price demand list is always based on what the bride’s family culture is known for. Bride price helps the groom to be more familiar with the culture of the bride and also respect it for what it is.
It also fosters peace between the couple. In a way that anytime the woman does or eats anything that is synonymous to her family culture, she will never look like a stranger to the groom, vice versa.
7. Family’s get together.
It is a get-together opportunity for the family generally. It is an avenue for many family members who have not been seen over the years to connect to each other again. The information goes round and makes the family renew their union.
8. Bride price is symbolic.
It shows the groom that marriage comes with responsibilities, and they are unavoidable. Anyone who which that bride price should be scrap will dodge responsibilities in the future.
9. It fosters unity.
It promotes togetherness (family association). as against lone ranging. A tree cannot make a forest, it is a collective individual who is called people. Bride price occasion is a business of the people. It is not meant to be for the immediate parents alone.
It is an honour when one has reasons to celebrate and others in the family joint him or her. Bride price goes round the family, everyone presents is entitled to a gift, no matter how small. It’s a point of reference, it is something to remember for life.
This is my pride.
Every woman, especially in Africa wants to see the day a man who loves her will come and offer bride price to her family come to reality. It is a legacy of honour. It’s so important to the women that they don’t compromise the day and the process for something else. The bride price day is the woman’s day. They want their man to make them proud about the day.
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