08 Mar How to Make Right Choice In Marriage.
- Choice is never a coincidence.
Make a Right choice.
Marriage is an institution that can never be a coincidence. Before you can find yourself in a marriage, something must have led to something.
That which led to another is what you likely did right or wrong, while something is about to lead to another, which drives you into the marriage you are or will probably enter into very soon. So far, in-between your single hood and becoming married, is the decision-making gap.
Every marriage that emerged today occurred out of a choice the individual made. Your decision may be to ignore the window of making a choice. What you have just done not to decide is still a choice.
That is what you will live with in the marriage you find yourself or the one you will later find yourself.
Be conscious to take up the responsibility by yourself by making the right choice.
Choice determinants.
1. Emotion and reality
People usually fall for their emotion when it comes to choosing a marriage partner. This set of people choose who to marry emotionally. Once some of them see a physical evidence, they are automatically carried away.
They find it difficult to checkout for reality about the individual. This kind of position easily put people into problems they can’t finish nursing in the marriage, except for God’s intervention and mercy. Emotion does not make marriage, reality must be given a chance to play its role. That is when marriage can give its best to those who come into it.
If you allow your emotion to affect your choice in choosing whom to marry, you may not be able to tell the story by yourself.
How can you meet someone in a public bus and he pays your transportation fair, just like that you what to marry him or her at a request.
2. Orientation.
Your orientation about marriage goes a long way in influencing your decision into a marriage. If what you are exposed to is how the couple or the parents you lived with quarrel, abuse, or fight each other, what you would know about marriage is pandemonium, that will be your experience. Getting married may become a problem to you.
Each time you remember your experience where you stayed growing up, making a choice of marriage will be difficult. Not making the choice alone is a choice on its own. You may have developed phobia for marriage. You need therapy, you need to see a good counsellor who can help you to get it right.
3. Compatibility.
Are you compatible with him or her? A successful marriage is a product of compatibility. If you are not compatible, you can never be together in marriage and have joy.
Amos 3:3
Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
You must consider if the one who proposed marriage to you or the one you want to propose marriage to is compatible with you to achieve the purpose of marriage.
Sheep and goat are not compatible, they have nothing in common. Anyone who tries to merge the two for any reason best known to him or her may leave the couple with a liability they can never survive. And their environment will never have peace.
Areas of compatibility.
● Academics.
Education is an access to every opportunity in life. As many who believed in Education will want to have same as companion, who will be on the same page with him or her. There is a say “ if you want to have rest, educate your person”. Someone you have power to educate but you refuse to educate or he or she refused to receive the Education will give you pains in future.
If your belief is that you can’t marry someone who is not educated, it would surely influence your choice of marriage.
● Faith and belief.
Faith and belief is also a major player in how the individual of a particular religion chooses the person to marriage. There are things that are in practice in
a religion one belongs but are not so in the other . If two opposite gender from different religious (which also happens in the same religion different doctrine) backgrounds agreed to marry each other without putting into consideration the demand it would place on them, and the effect it would have on their life, the marriage may not last.
You likely may not understand this by yourself. It’s premarital training that will point the truth out to you.
● Sex.
Sexual compatibility is nothing to some people especially the Christians. The major and most important reason for sex in marriage is childbearing. Anyway, it is an ignorance that has lived among the believer for years and it has affected them negatively for long.
The fact that a man or a woman has what it take to penetrate into a woman or to be penetrated into, does not make him or her sexually compatible.
It is not easy for some persons to measure the compatibility without the sexual intercourse between the individuals, especially those who are religiously forbidden to have sex before marriage.
It is only the premarital coaching or training that has the method by interviewing the couple to-be at the appropriate time and with right tools.
One of the major problems in marriage today is lack of sexual compatibility which has pushed either of the couple into adultery that eventually led to divorce or separation.
● strength and weakness.
There is no human being on earth who does not have an area of strength and weakness. No matter what be the weakness of a person in life there must be another person God has divinely positioned to tolerate him or her. Your choice to consider the proposal of the person who proposed to marry you may be influenced by the tolerance he has for you in your area of weakness.
Your compatibility to accept the proposal of a toaster would be that your area of weakness is his or her area of strength which will eventually complement him or her in the marriage.
● Hardworking.
Working hard is a virtue, majority aspire to associate with whoever that has it. No woman wants to marry a man who cannot provide for her needs. Likewise, no man is ready to marry a liability as a wife, who has no value to add to the family, only to eat and spend money.
Hard work is a great choice-influencer to accepting a marriage proposal of a man. When a man is hardworking, the woman he desires to marry will want to take the offer, because there is a security that the family will not be hungry.
If a woman is hardworking, men would want to do everything possible to win her mind for marriage, including earlier than expected wedding.
● Foundation.
If the foundation that produces you imbibe good characters in you that your society cannot resist you, but to showcase you to the larger world, the demand for your hand in marriage will be enormous.
Foundation has power to either make or mar every individual that was raised on it.
No bad foundation can produce anything good. It brings offensive odour upon the products which causes them disgrace in the public.
No man or a woman who is conscious about compatibility, who is also raised from a good foundation will wish to be joined with someone from an uncultured foundation in marriage.
Yet, people may find themselves under the influence of emotional love and refuse to behold the red indicators indicating danger ahead.
Premarital training never closes eyes to them. It lives no stone unturned. Before you finally make a choice. Premarital training will show you the prone and coin of every decision you may likely take. Therefor, embrace premarital, and create time to make yourself available for one, because of future that is so close. You may think it is far, not as you thought.
● Culture.
Culture is also another factor to consider in marital compatibility. It also determines the direction a person would want to go in marriage.
There are Culture that are societal friendly. They are inevitable. Anyone that come from among them never lacks marriage. People don’t hesitate to go into marriage with them.
Culture actually pay a huge role in marriage, those who know it don’t toy with other people’s Culture. They respect every Culture as it is.
Every Culture is unique and peculiar on its own.
People must examine carefully, the Culture of anyone they desire to have as a wife or a husband if the marriage can really workout.
A Culture that celebrate tribal marks on the body of a little child will not suspend the Culture for the sake of anyone who is coming from outside the Culture to marry their people.
It may lead to crises if someone who did not examine properly finally get to know that her child will receive a tribal mark immediately after birth while she’s pregnant.
As a matter of fact, she can never be the same, even if she’s aware of the practice immediately after the wedding. This is a point where decision is hard to take. There is little or nothing she can do against. She has entered into it ignorantly.
It is then important to take premarital coaching seriously.
Premarital coaching has the obligation and what it takes to educate the singles who are about to marriage the above before the marriage. This will enable them to choose whom to marry, and get it right without a third-party interference.
4. Trust.
It’s an important weapon in marriage that can drive a relationship to a balance. Trust gives no space to fear.
Trust is an area where individuals can be tested before being allowed to take up a greater responsibility, as the case may be.
The decision of the choice you are about to take as to the man or the woman that should enter into your life can be determined by how much you can trust the person.
A friend in your life today who cannot be trusted for little things may do worse in marriage.
A man or a woman in your life at a time when an external force is dragging you to your knees who cannot defend you to save you first; may be something to think about over and over before saying yes to his proposal for marriage.
5. Respect.
Respect is a credible virtue that presents people in a good light to others. Anyone with his or her right senses will want to have a double check when someone who has no respect approaches her for marriage. It is easy for someone who has no respect to disrespect your parents and even disrespect someone who wants to help you.
Never take respect with levity.
6. Your readiness and maturity.
Readiness and maturity are important criteria to look out for in a person before saying yes to him or her into marriage.
Anybody can be ready for marriage but may not be mature to take up responsibilities. Responsibility is marriage. Anyone who finds it difficult to take responsibility, especially in marriage, is a baby that cannot be relied on for what an adult should do. Of course, size, and age are not maturity. Intellectual virtue and knowledge that one can access through learning are what give birth to maturity.
7. Distance.
Distance marriage is when each if the couple live far apart.
Distance relationship is one of the enemies of marriage that every individual must be careful about and run for.
Distance is something that worth examining critically to know if it will work if one enters into its marriage.
It determines the choice one will make, either to enter or back out, at the relationship level.
If you decide to enter into a marriage with anyone who lives far from you, you should know, that is a choice that you alone will live with.
It has so many consequences, which has torn many families apart.
Conclusion.
Choosing whom to marry is purely your prerogative, but my concern is, you must choose right. If you pick by allowing your emotion to override you, the consequences will also live with you for as long it would remain.
• Beauty does not make marriage.
• Colour does not make marriage.
• Height does not make marriage.
• Tribe does not make marriage.
• Eloquence doesn’t make marriage.
• Neither does certificate make marriage.
What makes marriage is knowing the mind of God for you about marriage, and religiously follow it and the process and respect the rules.
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