Author: Oladimeji Gods’miracle

27 Oct

Posted at 20:20h in General, Married by
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Feeling lonely in marriage.
 

Introduction

Loneliness has no respect for any human being in life. No matter how influential, educated, intelligent, connected and beautiful you are, once there is a space in your life for loneliness, it finds its way in. Loneliness does not walk alone, it’s a forerunner to depression. It makes the victim feel lonely. Feeling alone by not wanting to have anything to do with others, and the one not attended to, can become a chronic loneliness. A lonely person can never be friendly because he or she is being damaged mentally, socially and likely economically.

Definition.

Loneliness is a product of a painful emotional torture, whereby an individual chose to distant himself from social activities and stop relating with a particular person or people generally. It’s also the state of being feeling rejected by those who supposed to love. A state of being in the midst of people but not belonging, which may lead the said individual to go in isolation. In this case, some will just get up in a gathering and go into their cars, not ready to share anything, including time with anyone. Very often, this occurs when a man feels disappointed or cheated from a less expected quarter, hence sees nothing good around him and in life largely. People do find themselves in these conditions for different reasons peculiar to their level of understanding or challenges. Being lonely does not mean that one will not be going out, but something important has gone out of him, which makes him to himself less important. Thereby living like an inferior person.

The Causes of loneliness 

1) Sexual denial.

Sex denial in marriage is a big problem that is troubling the Christian marriages today. It’s either the husband denies his wife his body or the wife denying her husband entrance. Which has pushed the victim to a corner on different occasions. Matthew 5:27 All of you have heard that it was said by them of old time, You shall not commit adultery: When the Bible shuts the external door against the victim and the spouse shuts the internal door on the victim; where will he or she go? This has made the victims feel neglected, thereby slipping into loneliness. How can a man see his wife dressing up, or in a beautiful night-gown and makes a move, and he’s been denied of his right that will be happy? That may be the only topic that will be in his head all through the day, the woman he loves dearly wants to make him a victim. This can trigger loneliness.

2) Lack of attention.

When the attention of a husband or the wife is no longer available to the spouse, there will be a reaction. Women would rather not share the attention of their husbands with something else, even the children. It is absolutely wrong for a woman to pledge her love to her husband and after having children, her attention will then totally shift to the children. All she’s creating ignorantly is rivalry between the man and his children. Before you know, he will be coming in late. Even when he comes back, he sits in the room. If he’s so dear to his family and does not want to bring a third party to his marriage, he would not be able to take solace with friends. This can lead to unnecessary anger in the house.

3) Lack of money.

Lack of money to run a family is a sickness on its own. If it does not get hold of the man, it would catch the attention and the emotion of the wife. Looking at other women fulfilling aspirations while herself cannot lift a finger, that alone would make her lonely.

4) Spouse absence.

The Bible says, husband and wife are one. If one travels and leaves the other more than necessary, there will be a reaction. Loneliness will begin. One body has been divided into two. Where there is love, either of them can never be normal in their various places.

5) Lack of communication.

Taking water from the fish or taking the fish out of the water, all is to traumatize the fish. A car without fuel and engine oil makes a car owner equal to a man without a car. A marriage without communication is like a mansion electrically fitted without electricity or electric supply. Communication is the life wire of every marriage. Once communication is out of a marriage, the non-existence of the marriage is close by. The power of communication in marriage can never be overemphasized. It turns things around, it gives light. Psalms 119:130 The entrance of your words gives light; it gives understanding unto the simple. Keep communicating, it makes you to get better every day.

6) introvert nature.

An introvert does not talk too much, they are people of few words, and anyone who married any of them as a spouse must learn how to relate with them. When they have not said something does not mean they are careless about you. It doesn’t mean they are not concerned or interested in what you’re doing or saying. Their communication style differs. Move closely to your spouse and know his or her communication style and work with it. Don’t because of that enter into solitude mood.

7) workaholic nature.

A workaholic is someone who is addicted to pending more time at work. He gives more attention to work than any other thing, he hardly eats three square meal complete; no holiday, no brake. He would prefer his annual leave monetize. Work in the office, work at home. To such a spouse, family hangout, partying or get together is a waste of time and resources, it’s an act of laziness. His or her spouse will never be happy, hence will become a victim of loneliness.

8) Distance marriage.

No human being is a stone, we all have blood running in our body system. Our feeling is alive, it can be damaged and can also be sustained. The original composition of marriage is for the husband and wife to be together for intimacy and bounding. The moment there is distance between the husband and wife, it begins to affect the stability of either of the two parties to cope alone. He or she will be lonely. This is where infidelity crawls in.

9) Leaving but not cleaving.

There are occasions that people get into a marriage that supposed to be a mater of togetherness with the spouse, but you still see either the man or the woman not yet detached from his or her secondary family. When your spouse is not your confidant but your mother, father, brother, or relative, it proves that you only left but still cleave to them and not your spouse. With that, you have created space for loneliness. His or her relevance in your life is in doubt. To avoid hurting the feelings of your spouse, you need to leave others and cleave to your spouse alone to avoid loneliness.

10) Boss and servant lifestyle in marriage.

Psychologically, a spouse who intimidates the other party in their marriage by lording on him or her will surely plug him or her into loneliness that may lead to depression. Intimidation in marriage is not limited to a gender. There are women who are strong at doing that, especially where the man is gentle, reasonable, and mature.

11) Separate room.

A couple that practices separate bedrooms promotes loneliness. Ecclesiastes 4:9 – 10 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falls; for he has not another to help him up. Staying in separate rooms only promotes individualism. It does not picture a good family.

12) Same bed but different space.

This is similar to the point above, in their case it is not a matter of separate rooms. They stay in the same room, sleep on the same bed, but everyone minds his or her business. The man at one angle and the other one at the other angle. This style is even more dangerous and killing. The loneliness in this is highly intimating and demoralizing. Your spouse is there with you, but locked you out of the access to him or her. Some would have preferred beating them with a cane than doing this. Ecclesiastes 4:11 Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? 

13) Failure to remember important dates.

There are special days and dates in our lives that warrant remembering. Like birthdays, wedding days, graduation, marriage proposal day, employment day. It is part of us that people should remember the day in our lives and celebrate us. Where it becomes a lifestyle that couples don’t celebrate their special days, it hurts feelings. The occurrence over the years do accumulate to form loneliness.

14) Incompatibility.