30 Oct Causes of Divorce in Marriage
Divorce in marriage.
Definition:
Divorce is a legal means of ending a marriage union between a husband and wife through the court of a competent jurisdiction saddles with the responsibility to do so. It shall be based on the request by either of the parties as petitioner.
Thank you for reading this post, don't forget to subscribe!It’s also a means of breaking God’s ordinance and purpose for homes and marriages.
Introduction.
Divorce is a term that is synonymous with marriage, but not palatable to the fundamental purpose of marriage. It is a tool of ignorance to break a family, especially the happy one. Divorce is not a rain that just falls from heaven, sometimes without notice. There are always indications to divorce before it fully manifests, but in most cases, people don’t pay attention to the indications.
Divorce is a term that is synonymous with marriage, but not palatable to the fundamental purpose of marriage. It is a tool of ignorance to break a family, especially the happy one. Divorce is not a rain that just falls from heaven, sometimes without notice. There are always indications to divorce before it fully manifests, but in most cases, people don’t pay attention to the indications.
It always starts like a small fire, which later turns out to become wild to consume a community. People appear helpless when it has engulfed the larger part of the marriage, and it becomes so difficult to handle. It is better for every couple or singles who desire marriage to know the things that can cause divorce in marriage and avoid it.
The validity of a divorce is in the content of the divorce. In other words, any divorce motive that lacks some ingredients is just an intention and not a reality. It’s therefore not going to be valid.
Mind you, the purpose of this article is not to promote divorce, but to open the eyes of people to the causes and how to cub or avoid it.
Ingredients of a Valid Divorce.
What makes a Divorce valid:
1. Attention: the respondent must be in the know of the divorce petition by the petitioner. The reasons for the petition must be stated.
2. The respondent must be carried along. He or she must be notified of new developments concerning the court proceedings.
3. The judge’s pronouncement: the pronouncement of the judge in charge must be based on the facts presented before him or her.
The causes.
1) money in marriage.
Money has always been the problem in marriage, because of the weight that money pulls in solving family challenges. This usually comes in different ways, it could be a matter of perpetual or constant lack in which the woman had been patient over the years, but when things refused to change, she may decide to take a leave.
This may be a mistake committed by the couple raising excess responsibilities, which their financial ability cannot handle. In some cases, it is not the matter of self error, the women are just too quick to decide. They want to leave because the man’s source of income is challenged, which can be fixed soon. They can’t endure a test of time.
What to do!
Instead of Divorce.
a. You may need to see a marriage counsellor who can advise you better on what to do.
b. You may need to get something doing, no matter how small, and grow it up to become big.
2) Infidelity.
Infidelity is when either of the parties in a marriage goes out of his or her way to get involved in extramarital affairs with an opposite sex. Meaning, sleeping with another man or woman who is not his or her spouse.
No man or woman would want to share his or her spouse with anyone, not even for any price, except for a mad man or a woman who has greed for money or material things.
It causes cracks in marriages. It takes away the confidence women has in her husband, vice versa.
Not only that, but it damages trust. This trust can still be repaired if it happens once without a repeat, but when it becomes common and regular, it breaks the heart. 70% of women and 99.5% of men would like to quit such a marriage. Such a lifestyle can become a treat to life.
Therefore, it is best to quit the marriage on the ground of divorce.
What to do!
Infidelity in marriage is a destroyer, say no to infidelity. To cub this, make yourself available for your spouse, as he or she has the obligation to be available for sex.
1corinthians 7: 2-5
2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
[3]Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
[4]The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
[5]Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
3) Poor communication.
The importance, the place, and the effect of communication on marriage can never be overemphasized. Communication is a major life wire of every marriage. When things are good, you need communication. When things are bad, you need communication. At the point of misconception, you also need communication.
Everything in marriage is about communication. When you withdraw communication from a marriage, you have automatically placed the marriage on a health emergency. In a short while, if you refuse to change your tactics or reverse the decision, that marriage of yours is on its way to coma. If you allow it to go further, the damage it would cause you may go beyond repair.
The good news here is that good communication is capable of making marriage to work beyond you can ever imagine. It makes marriage stronger than what any enemy of homes can break.
What to do!
Be committed to communication in your marriage, that in the face of anything, there must be communication. That is the way to go to always overcome challenges. There is no marriage without a challenge, it is only when you enter into your marriage with the mind of “all shall be a bed of rose” that you will see the challenge in your marriage as an abomination. And that could be very dangerous.
It comes out of ignorance of the highest order. You must believe that marriage does have one challenge or the other. Whenever it surfaces, do know that the solution to it is in communication. Table the matter before your spouse or partner and make sure you discuss the matter, listen to one another, and arrive at a common ground for solution.
4) Distance marriage (DM)
Distance marriage is when a husband and his wife are living apart, either within the same geographical area or different geographical areas. The point is, they are not together. The reasons are best known to them. In distance marriages, physical access to one another is limited, including aspects like sex, physical touch, and face-to-face discussions.
There is a proverb that says, “if the preferred is not available, the available will be preferred”. In this case, since the preferred is not available, in order for the available to be preferred, divorce will be relevant as the next option. So many have finally become the husband of another woman, and the woman became the wife of another man.
FEATURES.
i. it makes either of the parties lonely, which can subsequently lead to depression
ii. It costs the family more spending. The cost of keeping accommodation in two different locations is an issue to consider.
iii. Monitoring the children becomes the responsibility of the one at the primary base. The risk behind this is enormous. The best result of raising children can best be achieved through the collective effort of a couple. It’s only possible where the family stays together.
iv. It brings about communication gap, as it makes matters linger, ineffective, and sometimes unresolved.
Distance marriage is next to a broken home. It’s just that DM is a marriage of hope that one day they will or may still come together.
The disadvantages of distance marriage are so enormous that any couple who cares about the future and the health of the family will not want to embark on it. Growing and shaping the children on the right path requires the attention of both the father and the mother. Children are not the same. They need someone who will help to monitor them and grow them, even encourage them to develop themselves and their gifts to reality.
A parent cannot successfully do this alone. They require joint hands to achieve this. Countless children have been rubbed of their talents in life. When there was no one to point it to them, this can successfully be done by someone who is close to them.
The beauty of the two parents staying together in this type of case is that if the man will not see it, the woman will do. As such, the two of them will deliberate on it and encourage him or her as the case requires.
What to do!
For any of the parties to travel away from the other, there must be a proper and a clear arrangement as to how long the stay would be before coming together.
5) Breadwinner mentality.
A breadwinner of a family is the one who has financial strength to cater for the needs of everyone in the family. In other words, he or she is the one that the family relies on to solve their immediate problems. If the one with this strength is the woman and by the virtue that her husband is not financially capable, she may be arrogant. Even when she is not arrogant, she may ask to know how what she provided was managed; her husband may term it to be arrogance.
It depends on where the arrow faces. Either of them may threaten to divorce.
If it is the husband, he may present his wife’s position as being rude.
If it is the woman, she may conclude that the man wants to enslave her, she can’t continue to feed a man who is not appreciative. Therefore, she may want to file for divorce.
What to do!
Understanding matters in a case like this, the place of prayer must not be overlooked. It is necessary for the woman to know that a man who could not do much for the family as far as money is concerned is a man with a heavy heart. Any little challenge may make him angry, which may lead to physical assault, which can also lead to divorce.
6) External influences (EI)
External influence is the place of a third party in marriage. External influences could be human beings, work, or addiction. When the third party is allowed into a marriage, and he or she is allowed to have access to the matters of the family. A little problem can be escalated to something else that may lead either the husband or the wife to hate his or her spouse. The external force or influence can go extra mile to allege the victim for infidelity, hunt to break his or her home. This may push the alleged party to file for divorce.
What to do!
Is it mandatory for a third party to visit your family? If yes, show them the boundary they must not pass. Please remember that there is no marriage that does not have one challenge or the other, including the marriage of the third party who wants to become a judge over your home. With love, fence your marriage out of their reach even when they are around you.
7) Domestic abuse/violence. (DV)
Domestic abuse is an incident or behaviour that inflicts pain on another person, especially a marriage partner. When a husband chooses to beat his wife for any offense or mistake as a means of correcting; it is not a correction but an abuse. She does not deserve a beating for her position in any matter. There are better ways to bring up a correction.
The abuse that people undergo in their marriage defers in nature. If it is not physically, it could be financial/economic, mental, emotional, or sexual.
When any of these becomes regular, it’s capable enough to damage the victim. Before it results in death, the victim may decide to quit the marriage through divorce.
What to do!
You must be able to control your anger because, the major cause of domestic abuse/violence is anger.
8) Incompatibility.
It’s a state at which two particular things are not conformed to be together or at which they share nothing in common. There are indications that determine incompatibility in marriage, such as ideology, beliefs, culture, and sexual urge.
An individual’s energy and urge sexually determines how frequent his or her sexual demand would be. If a man and a woman do not share the same nature sexually, and they enter into marriage, they can’t survive it.
There will be a problem. It’s either one of them results in extramarital affairs or the matter turns to domestic violence that can eventually lead to divorce.
On many occasions, before some intending couples enter into marriage, some of these signs do flag to their face as a red card. Probably because of ignorance, carelessness, or overconfidence, they push them aside and move on.
They only get into the marriage to realize they have entered into a wrong marriage, or into a good marriage through the wrong way. There are issues of incompatibility that can be handled before the marriage and finally closed up, but because they chose to ignore it and manage themselves into the marriage. When the reality eventually stares at them face to face, the next and closest option is divorce.
A lady met a handsome guy in her university days who proposed a relationship to her, which may lead to marriage. Not quite long, the man demanded that the lady should allow them to have sex. The lady refused severally, of course, she was a virgin.
He eventually complied with her, but continued the usual lifestyle of sleeping with other ladies in the school. It was not hidden from the fiancée that he was jumping from one lady to another. She was so unreasonable that she still went ahead and married him.
It was still the same story of infidelity, from fornication to adultery. He kept sleeping with other women without restriction.
This time around, she could not bear it. The question is, who pushed her into it? It could be ignorance! Now, her eyes are opened.
What to do!
Divorce is never the best option in marriage if the couple took their time to dot every “I” and cross every “T” before entering into the marriage.
If you are in any marriage that looks to you that you are incompatible with your spouse, never choose a divorce as the way to go.
The first and best to do is to book an appointment with a professional marriage counsellor who can hear you and tell you what to do. Please, never expect to hear what you want. Just prepare to hear what you should hear. All you want is a solution.
9) Irreconcilable differences. (ID)
Irreconcilable differences are mostly heard in the case of marriage, where couples seek divorce on the ground of the differences that make their staying together dangerous. When a couple always enter into misunderstandings that never find a common ground, which always leads to gridlock, it will get to a time one of them would be tired and decide to quit.
There are issues or reasons that are very difficult to release to a third party but only known to the couple alone, which is a ground for their divorce. All they will keep doing is to report it as irreconcilable differences, especially if it is good in the opinion of the two to part.
For example, if a woman caught her husband sleeping with her mother or with her daughter from another man, and the man refused to change, the option may be to part way. It is a shameful thing that should not be heard of a reasonable person.
There are women who sleep with their husbands’ sons from the first wife who left the marriage or died. How will the man explain that? He can only tell people that it’s on the ground of irreconcilable differences.
What to do!
Divorce is not good. Before it comes to this, you need to see a marriage counsellor who can look deep into the matter, and advise you on what to do.
10) Addiction.
Addiction is what someone does, either good or bad, but he placed no control on how he does it. The excessiveness added to whatever anyone does, and he enjoys doing it even when it is not good, is an addiction. People can be addicted to sex, a particular food, smoking, alcohol, argument, drugs, and so on.
When we talk about addiction, most often, people direct their attention to drugs because it’s the most pronounced addiction among many. Other addictions, as mentioned above, are capable of ruining a marriage beyond repair. Someone who is addicted to sex can go as for as committing rape.
Addiction to alcohol can throw a family into poverty. Those who are addicted to alcohol do find it difficult to make savings from their income. 85% to 95% of their income services their addiction. No woman wants to remain with a man who is addicted to alcohol. Addiction is not limited to a gender.
Addiction can be a ground for divorce.
What to do!
Immediately you sense that your spouse is into addiction, start to pray for him or her.
Quickly reach out to those who can help you further.
11) Lack of commitment.
A commitment is a self covenant or determination to get something done, irrespective of the challenges one may encounter on the way to success.
Commitment is a drive that pushes to keep going, supporting, and never to consider the ability of the receiver to reciprocate the gesture at all cost.
Many marriage unions celebrated 30, 40, 50 years in marriages today as husband and wife. They never had all the days rosy, laughing, or pleasant. If you are privileged to ask them what they encountered so far in the journey, you will get to know that what kept them together even stronger is not perfection but commitment.
If you are committed to your marriage and not to your spouse alone, you will do everything possible to keep the marriage, and make it work.
What to do!
Love is the wheel on which marriage navigates daily. Nevertheless, it can only travel far where there is commitment. Marriage moves on the wheel of love, while commitment helps to fly above and across challenges.
Conclusion
Malachi 2:16
MSG: “I hate divorce,” says the God of Israel. God-of-the-Angel-Armies says, “I hate the violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage.” So watch yourselves. Don’t let your guard down. Don’t cheat.
Divorce seems to be a solution to any of the grounds above. The moment there is an issue in marriage, either a self created one or the one by circumstances and they find it tough to set aside or solve, especially if it’s related to the causes above, the next is to give up and throw up the towel for divorce.
Whatever any situation that confronts you face to face in your marriage, and it seems there is no way out, just take a deep breath and call on God. It would surely end in praise.
The Lord hates divorce. He who hates divorce must find a solution to that issue in your marriage.
Trust him.
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