Causes of Quarrel in Marriage.

03 Oct Causes of Quarrel in Marriage.

Quarrel in marriage.  

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Quarrel in marriage does not occur for no reason. There must always be a reason for a quarrel in marriage. Even when the couples pretend as if there is no reason. At least there must be one reason for the quarrel. The third party may not know, but at least one of the couple knows what the issue is all about.

 

Quarrel in marriage is a product of the following:

 

1. Lack of openness.

Openness in marriage is an asset that marriages lean on to thrive against any challenge. Trust resits in openness, and the volume of openness in a relationship determines what the length of the trust in the marriage would be.
If your spouse does not know what you earn as salary or wages, it would be difficult for him or her to believe you when come out to tell him or her you don’t have money. Even when you embark on a project beneficial to the family, that takes money from you often. Since the project is not known to him or her, there is no reason to believe you.
If Mr. cannot offer Mrs. her demands, then the next is for the Mrs. to pick offence, quarrel will find its way into the family.

If a woman (wife) knows what you earn as salary, and you carry her along on what the spending will be, provided herself or the children is involved, she has no reason to pick a quarrel with your action.
For the openness and trust to last among a couple, they must learn to cut their cloth according to the size of their available fabric.

 

2. Failure to accept reality.

Failure to accept reality in marriage is also one of the things that fuels quarrel in marriage. Reality is reality, if you like, you can paint reality in a different colour. It does not change a reality from being what it is. It is only when what makes reality a reality changes position that reality will transform from the reality it was to another reality.

This has been from ages that human needs are always numerous, but the capacity to acquire them financially may be limited.

What you cannot afford at a particular time has the power to ridicule you. You must have the spirit to let those you cannot afford go.
The reality may be that your income is not huge enough to accommodate the need.

The reality there is that your income will have to expand before any other thing can be slotted in.
If either of a couple fails to realize this, there will always be a quarrel, and to make progress will be difficult.

 

3. Lack of understanding.

Lack of understanding about how things should be, causes quarrel in marriage. When the abnormal sounds to be normal, based on the perspective and the perception of the other party towards a point, there will be a quarrel.

It now requires that the couple will have to sit down with a calm spirit to listen to one another and table the points one by one with a clear explanation to back your point. All you want to do is to make him or her understand your position, not to lord it on him or her.
Whatever be the outcome of the meeting must be monitored during the implementation, and if it goes wrong, the one with the idea that was finally adopted must take responsibility and learn from it.
To now correct the error is the responsibility of both the couple.

 

4. Foundation one comes from.

Foundation plays a major role in marriage. So it is important for everyone to look into the foundation he comes from and identify those things that usually happen there, probably based on their ideology, that usually make marriage to break or have problems. This will enable you to dodge them in your marriage.

If the family someone comes from is a family where domestic violence constantly happens; a verbal abuse may mean nothing to him or her,
will just be like a child’s play. Such a person therefore will not know how much marriage can be allergic to the abuse.

Likewise, if a woman comes from a family where a kitchen in the house is useless, all they do is patronize fast food joints, something has to be done. If it is not looked into before getting into a marriage with a partner who came from a background where they cook in their house for the family to eat; she may want to go and replicate the same in her marriage. If her husband is against it, and she sees nothing wrong in it, there will surely be a quarrel.

Depending on fast food for the family daily is anti progress.

It is essential for everyone to know that no human being is perfect, there will surely be an area of life where one is lacking, but he or she must not be arrogant taking corrections and adjustments.

Nothing must be too expensive for anyone to offer as a sacrifice for the peace of his or her marriage.

 

5. Lack of a mentor.

If a couple lacks mentorship, there is bound for either of them to make a mistake, even which can be offensive to the health of their marriage. Your mentor must be a spirit filled and experienced person who can tell you and bring you back to the track when you are missing the way. If you do not have a mentor who can mentor your relationship and marriage, you may continue to swim in trial and error, which is capable enough to make you believe that marriage is a scam.

An incident happened many years back which made this particular woman leave a hospital where she first registered for antenatal to go and re-register in another hospital. Their doctor for the mother was different from the one for the newborn baby.
In the former hospital she left, it’s the doctor who attends to the mother after delivery that will attend to her child, which left so many things to be desired.

For the first time, it just occurred to her that her doctor cannot attend to her child, but another doctor entirely. Not until the children’s doctor cleared (certified) the baby qualified to be discharged that they were allowed to go home.

Your mentor professionally cannot be the same person that will mentor you on marriage.
If you are an engineer, your mentor must be an experienced engineer who knows better than you, that you can tap from his wealth of knowledge anytime you desire to do so.

The same goes for marriage. You must have a mentor who is an expert in marriage counselling.
Every aspect of your life where you want to succeed requires a competent mentor. Marriage is not an exception!

 

6. Lack of respect for the mentor.

Some have a mentor, but over familiarity has made them not take the counsel of their mentor seriously. The moment you begin to see your mentor as a friend, that is when you will start to sink. The funnest thing there is that at this time, his mentorship on you may begin to fail. Not that the mentor is no longer active, but because you are too familiar with him or her, God will deliberate pause using the channel for you, until you realize it and change.

Your husband may be your mentor in a certain area of your life. You must treat and honour him as a mentor he is to you in that area. Otherwise, his anointing will be working for others out there, and it would be a different story for you. Treat him as a husband when it comes to marriage, and honour him as a mentor when it comes to business and profession. That will make his inner man always get connected and have new things that are very strategic for you.

If you are successful, don’t be surprised that people will tell you it’s because your husband is the one coaching you. They fail to see how you follow the principles. It’s only your result that attracts attention.

 

7. Laziness.

When a spouse refuses to work and the family responsibilities become too heavy on either the husband or wife who is working to carry, you can’t but expect a quarrel.
For example, a lazy husband, asking for food, when he has nothing to contribute. It will never sound well in the ears of his wife. That will automatically become a ground for quarrel to emerge.
It could be the woman who refuses to work, even when the husband helps her to get something to do with her hands, because she’s lazy she would prefer to remain idle.
There will surely be a quarrel because she would want to meet her needs out of the little that her husband is bringing.

The bible says in

2 Thessalonian 3:10
For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.

Never forget, it is biblically appropriate to react, but not to sin!

 

8. Your cash in-flow.

If the family’s responsibility is heavier than the family’s cash in-flow, there will be a quarrel somewhere if understanding is lacking in how they manage the little resources available for the family. If any of the parties allows selfishness to override him or her, there will be a misunderstanding that will eventually lead to a quarrel.

They must learn how to balance things by
reducing or cutting the family needs to enable the current available cash in-flow to accommodate the needs.

 

9. How you got into the marriage.

How you get into the marriage you are determines how you will enjoy the marriage.
If you enter into a marriage without following procedures, when the man begins to treat you like the daughter of nobody, it would then occur to you that you have left important luggage behind.
It’s not only man who can maltreat women. Women can also frustrate life out of husbands. It all depends on who has the machete handle.
There will be a quarrel, except if the person at the receiving end is quiet and gentle, just swallowing everything that comes his way with no complaint.

 

How do I fix my marriage?

Wisdom, maturity, patience, and understanding are the antidotes to quarrel in marriage.

■ Wisdom will be your compass. It would lead you the way to go per time. Wisdom never fails.

■ Maturity will make you let go of the things that can break your marriage. It helps to see things differently. When you are expected to behave harshly on a matter, maturity will restrict you. Eventually, you will become a winner.

■ Patience will make you to wait for a right time before taking a critical step that is capable of making or mar your marriage.

■ Understanding will make you not look at things from your perspective alone. You will want to put others in your shoes and put yourself in the shoes of others where necessary to make balance for peace.

The above weapons must be considered by couples if they want peace in their marriages. This will help them to run their homes successfully.