20 Apr Steps to Take Before Marriage: Choosing the Right Partner
Here’s a general outline of the process:
1. Pre-searching and discovery (Before Meeting Your Partner)
Marriage generally starts earlier before knowing who to marry, and getting to the point of settling an agreement of marriage with him or her.
Bellow are the things that must happen before thinking of marriage.
Self examination: This is a golden stage where a guy or a lady is required to examine himself very well to know if he or she is qualify to join the train soon. The journey is not for the weak or unprepared mind. You will need to work out your values, goals and state your expectations by putting check and balance into use.
To achieve this, look into these two areas.
a. Personal growth.
Growth is beyond the physical size, it mostly has to do with mind. You must be mature in handling the things about yourself without hiccup. Knowing when to take up anything and when to call it off. You must work to become the best of yourself. It’s written in 2 Timothy 2:15 Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
b. Prayer and guidance.
Seek divine guidance and wisdom.
Prayer can handle every situation, you can’t wish it away. It’s a friend you must move closer to, who can win every case in your favour.
A journey you have never plied in life requires a mentor who can show you the way. Guidance and counselling is very important in the race. Don’t be too mature to think that you are old enough to keep somethings or handle them yourself. You may get it wrongly, and that may consume you. Don’t forget the case of Saul in the Bible.
God told to go and destroy Amalek.
1 Samuel 15:3 Now go and attack Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and do not spare them. But kill both man and woman, infant and nursing child, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.’”
Above here is the instruction of God to Saul.
Bellow is his own decision aside the right step he should take.
1 Samuel 15:8 He also took Agag king of the Amalekites alive, and utterly destroyed all the people with the edge of the sword.
1 Samuel 15:9 But Saul and the people spared Agag and the best of the sheep, the oxen, the fatlings, the lambs, and all that was good, and were unwilling to utterly destroy them. But everything despised and worthless, that they utterly destroyed.
Here is Saul’s “too know” attitude.
1 Samuel 15:13 Then Samuel went to Saul, and Saul said to him, “Blessed are you of the Lord! I have performed the commandment of the Lord.”
1 Samuel 15:14 But Samuel said, “What then is this bleating of the sheep in my ears, and the lowing of the oxen which I hear?”
1 Samuel 15:15 And Saul said, “They have brought them from the Amalekites; for the people spared the best of the sheep and the oxen, to sacrifice to the Lord your God; and the rest we have utterly destroyed.”
God’s judgement to Saul.
1 Samuel 15:22 So Samuel said:
“Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices,
As in obeying the voice of the Lord?
Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice,
And to heed than the fat of rams.
1 Samuel 15:23 For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft,
And stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.
Because you have rejected the word of the Lord,
He also has rejected you from being king.”
Don’t be like Saul, who prefer to hide behind sacrifice instead of obedience. Look at his reward in verse 23. Make sure you submit yourself to a genuine mentor for a genuine mentorship. Whatever you achieve from your mentor by applying wisdom becomes your knowledge for life. Make sure you maximise that period of your life to get yourself fit for the journey.
2. Searching and discovery time.
Searching and discovery is the time that one a young man or woman is ready to have a spouse whom he or she can spend the rest of his life with.
This is the time that every move count. Character, dressing, religion, and the companion one moves with, determine the kind of spouse he or she will attract.
At this point, there is no particular place that is recommended for one to meet partner. It can be in the market place, court environment, church environment, academic setting, or in a bus. But the kind of a spouse you will attract or that will attract you can be determined by your appearance.
The moment there is an interest for relationship and you are able to secure his or her audience or your audience sought. Friendship will first begin, to know each other more if you are compatible. Vice versa, you will want to know some little things about each other. And that is what this stage stands for.
Engage in the same activities together to assess match and chemistry. If he or she is really ready for marriage.
This can now lead to Pre-courtship.
*Proposal and acceptance: One partner proposes, and the other accepts.
3. Pre-courtship.
Pre-courtship is the time that is next to courtship time. This is the time the parties are to put different things in place.
Breaking the news to the parents and Introduce your partner to your family is one of it.
Counselling and mentorship: Seek guidance from mentors, counsellors, or spiritual leaders about this decision of yours.
★Stop the process, put it on hold★
The next is courtship, and courtship is the closer step to the wedding, which is a wheel that carries the couple to the marriage proper. The moment you get into the courtship, it is almost impossible to take a reverse.
Accommodation: One of the most import steps a desired couple must take, which has no alternative is to be very sure of accommodation they will both stay as their legitimate place, either legally own or rented. It must be such they have key or keys to.
4. Courtship time.
The Next step is courtship (otherwise known as workshop stage)
Courtship is the period that proceeds proper marriage. Where partners get to know each other very well before entry into the union. Courtship time is not a period of no return. If you have any reason not to proceed into the marriage with the said partner, you are free to opt out without been hurt. There is no crime or a sin in that, but you must have a genuine reason and be careful that you not making a mistake.
It is the time to prepare adequately for the wedding and the marriage. Unfortunately a lot focus attention only on the wedding and leave the marriage in cold. Only to get into the marriage and find it empty, because they have no much allotted to that.
This stage comes with different steps.
Getting to Know Yourselves to the Root.
a. Meeting and introduction.
Getting to Know the family members and the friends of the partner unofficially. May not necessarily include the parents at this stage.
Each of these members, which are siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews, and friends will be able to identify him or her with the partner who introduces them to each other. Though the parents may see them around together, they can jump into conclusion. The table may turn at any time, and both pathways. The one that will get to the parents would been concluded between the partners.
b. Deeper conversations.
This stage is a sensitive one, yet some ladies do not know because of ignorance. They go ahead to engage in the things that are relevant to the future of the union they planning to enter.
This is where many secrets are going to come up. Some require immediate attention while others require future attention. They will be able to separate current from the future, deal with the current ones, and prepare ground for the ones of future.
Here, you discuss
• values,
• goals, and
• Expectations.
Values:
Discussing values is crucial for building a strong relationship, as it helps partners understand each other’s motives and may lead to greater harmony in decision making.
When partners or couples talk about values, it’s about fundamental beliefs, principles, and priorities that guide how they live their lives generally and decisions they make. Values inform how individuals behave, what they find necessary or important, and how they communicate with their environment.
These are some common areas where values come to play:
Family: they must get to know what family stands for, the biological family they are and the one they aspire to create. Not knowing the purpose of raising a family has led to abusing the marriage in many occasions by couples. You have responsibilities and roles to play in your nuclear and the extended family.
i. Religion and Spirituality Belief:
Before getting to courtship, the issue of the religion of a partner must have been sorted and agreed on. For a better understanding, it is advisable to marry along the same line of religion. You would both be guided by the same Holy book you believe in. Nevertheless, there are rear occasions that the union occurred across religions. They must ensure that the implications of such are dealt with from the start, but I doubt the possibility.
Beliefs along the same religion still need to be discussed. For example, dressing code, food, tithe and offering matter, teachings, and prayer method. Bible should be allowed to be the judge.
Culture is one of the things they must consider and very well about. There people who believed in Culture and traditions than God. If you cannot cope, it is not too late to step back.
ii. Lifestyle defines a couple.
A Club-boy with a home girl defies compatibility. Make sure you on the same page to proceed, otherwise, you may regret it when the time comes.
Career: Attitudes toward work determined the outcome. Ambition to be relevant one’s endeavour is a plus or minus that will influence a partner’s decision.
Finances: Lifestyle about spending is another thing. You or your Perspectives towards spending, saving, financial goals, and how to handle money have to be looked into. And the belief you have toward spending.
Goals.
Courtship gives you the floor to watch a partner closely if he has a goal or not. And if he has, can he define it, or what he called goal is not a goal.
A visionless person is a is worse than infidels. He or she has no value but a liability.
Expectations.
Ask for what the expectations of your partner are as far as relationship and Marriage is concerned.
Some believed that the man must be able to provide everything she needs. Of course there is no man that can provide everything his partner needs in life. It’s only God that can do that.
Some men believe their wives must not work irrespective of her level of education. If such a man refuse to change his mind about that, decision is yours to remain in the relationship or call it a quit from courtship.
c. Wedding plan:
planning the wedding generally is crucial, and it must start early on the courtship. He who failed to plan, has only planed to fail.
What type of a wedding are you planning to have?
Is it a noisy wedding?
Is it a quiet wedding?
Is it a low key one?
Individual’s perception, orientation, and understanding about marriage will inform the kind of wedding he or she is going to choose to embark on. Reception in wedding carries a significant size of the ceremony, and must be well thought about.
d. Pre-marital counselling:
Pre-marital counselling is the biggest marital success secret drive you can ever think of. It prepares the partners ahead of their marriage.
It helps the them to know many thing about marriage ahead of the union. This enables the couple not to fall victim of some pitfalls that have consumed many relationships.
5. Real Marriage.
This is the factory where are different products are being made, including the building the children.
Nevertheless, how children are built and what they turned out to be is a product of what the couple put together in their courtship. The knowledge they acquired while they were in courtship, this is where it comes to play. The outcome of your photograph is the evidence of how you position yourself while taking the photographs snap.
Conclusion.
It is good for everyone to know that no part of the process from the beginning to the end can be skipped. They all have contributions to offer in making a marriage an expected success that demonstrates God’s presence.
To avoid the challenges that some encounter in their marriages as if it was Lucifer himself who is on top of their matter. No one does it wrongly and expects a right result. Garbage in- garbage out. The way you planned it, so you will get the result.
If you are allowed to be deceived into a marriage that doesn’t represent the fullness of God’s process. They will not be there when the result begins to stream in like water.
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