03 Feb My Happy Marriage
Introduction
A happy marriage has no alternative, it is a commodity that numerous people admire but difficult to raise. Happy marriage has many fans who find it difficult to enter into the play field for performance. Happy marriage is full of many goodies for couples to enjoy, but it’s never a free lunch. Individual who values it has roles to play to be able to unlock the code that launches the qualified into the pool.
It is the value that a happy marriage possesses that makes it desirable to multitudes. When marriage lacks these virtues it turns worthless in the face of the partners. When marriage is boring, it shows no life for proper existence in the marriage. Either or both parties would be tired, likely depressed and helpless.
Marriage was not created by God when he was less busy. It was a major project in the workbook of the Almighty God. That is while it is still a project he nurtures till date. He’s the author of marriage, he has the key to whatever may arise in marriage. When there is any issue with any production machine, the one who can answer every question that will put an end to the problem is the manufacturer.
Marriage is loaded with numerous benefits that can make it work, such as trust, love, sacrifice, respect, commitment etc. All these are definitely there for everyone to draw from when there is a need to do so. When you see a functional marriage, it proves that the majority of these assets are there, working.
What could have happened when the wall of such a happy marriage begins to give way and is no longer holding? That means the things that were in place are no longer there. Maybe new things are now introduced which are not in line with how marriage is designed.
When some attitudes, conducts, and allergies begin to manifest against the existing ones which stand like life wire to the existence of the marriage, it would start to lose taste. It’s either the parties or either of them no longer see anything good about the marriage again than to spit it out. To such an individual, marriage is no more a thing of interest, it’s therefore worthless.
It brings about regret, and turns a marriage which is supposed to be a source of joy and happiness fostering growth into a battleground. St. Mark 9:50 Salt is good: but if the salt have lost his saltness, wherewith will ye season it? Have salt in yourselves, and have peace one with another. NLT
When the ingredients that make marriage work, which represent salt, are absent, how can the marriage be made sweet or retain its value.
Things that can run marriage worthless.
1. Lack of Communication
Communication in marriage is the expression and exchange of conversations, feelings, and ideas, encouraging understanding, deep connection, and conflict resolution to build a strong and lasting bond.
Communication in marriage is the soul of a flourishing relationship. Communication must be effective. It is not complete when someone is talking and no one is listening and responding.
Communication is a two way thing. It’s said to be effective among couples when a party is talking and the partner is responding back. It would be productive when they get to understand and connect; that is where honesty and openness lie.
Honest and open communication promotes trust, intimacy, and also clears every doubt between partners. It helps couples to resolve conflicts, share their dreams, express love, and navigate difficulties together.
Result based communication means speaking with soft tongue, listening with empathy, and offering responds with love and care. It converts misunderstandings to opportunities for growth and enhances the relationship between spouses. Whether by gestures, speaking, or actions, communication keeps the relationship functioning and making edge.
Communication in marriage must be regular, there are issues that do require full attention to dialogue for understanding, unity, mutual respect, and a thriving love. It makes couples grow and flourish together.
When it comes to marriage, communication is obviously a giant engine room that makes things work smoothly. Unknown to many couples, their activities depend on effective communication to survive each day in their marriage.
Once communication is truncated in a marriage, things will start going the wrong direction. If nothing is done, everything will fall apart. The marriage will eventually crumble. If you want your marriage to crumble, communication is one of the things you need to tamper with. However if you do, please, put it in mind that you will surely give account. One of the things that Jesus died for is marriage.
The bible says Jesus is the husband of the church and gave his life for the church. Who is the church? The Church is the collection of different families as one body. Without a team of families there can’t be a church. Families remain the heartbeat of God. Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
If you can confidently withdraw life from something that God offered his son to preserve, in order to suffocate it, you will give account. Kindly understand this, I am not trying to be judgmental here. I am only trying to let you know how ‘dear’ is marriage to God. He holds every marriage close to his heart. That is while, when you are not even qualified for some blessings, he still went ahead and made them available to you.
Communication provides directions for the couples and their children to run the family well-coordinated, and that alone is a value. Communication involves saying everything out, by that you would unconsciously expose the devil hidden around your marriage. No wonder the psalmist said in the book of Psalms 18:44 As soon as they hear of me, they shall obey me: the strangers shall submit themselves unto me.
2. Disrespect.
Respect plays a crucial role in making relationships healthy, respect is a drive that makes individuals in marriage willing to go the extra mile to preserve the marriage.
A soul that chose to always criticize even when a matter only requires correction is dragging the marriage to where the spouse will no longer derive confidence and joy in the relationship. When nothing good is seen in a spouse, not because there are no good things to behold sometimes, but because he or she has been placed on a black list, it becomes very impossible to notice.
It’s not as if there can be no criticism, but must be done constructively for the sake of the marriage. No one gives his best in an environment where it’s not valued.
If you value or love your marriage, you will respect your spouse. Lack of respect for one another is the death of a marriage. Therefore, if you desire that your marriage should be worthless, withdraw your respect from the marriage, belittle your partner and refuse to acknowledge his or her presence and existence in the marriage. Mind you, before you do that make sure God is in the know.
3. Infidelity
If you practice infidelity, there is no doubt, what you are doing is putting your marriage in the state where it would start eroding fast and become worthless. Infidelity is very fast in action to destroy marriage. If it does not kill the one involved, it would kill the partner. In most cases, it leaves the injury that is almost difficult to heal in the relationship. A broken trust is ever difficult to redeem, except in the face of quick repentance and amendment.
4. Disunity
Disunity in marriage is a cankerworm. Cankerworm by nature makes plants lose their leaves. It’s very dangerous, when it attacks a tree it makes the tree start losing value. When couples are not united in their activities or conduct it would be very difficult to make success, even the ones they manage to gather are not permanent, it can fall off at any time.
In my years of practice, I have seen where parents are emotionally attached to the child so much that the spouse becomes secondary in their mind. They don’t have a United voice over the children. The man may have a useful opinion about the position of a child, it doesn’t matter how productive the opinion would be, it may not have a place in the heart of the woman, vice versa.
Of course, the children would only support the most favourable opinion that gives them liberty and thereby run with it. It doesn’t matter to know what the implication would be. With this, the family is already on the path of collapse. As the children what they admire about the family, they can’t really say anything reasonable.
Disunity in marriage is a quick way to make marriage worthless and meaningless.
In case you don’t want your relationship to go that way, I have advice for you, just try to be united with your spouse in everything, the positive result is always enormous.
5. Neglect
Neglect covers everything as far as marriage is concerned. Marriage is like a human’s body with different components. Every component has its function, if faulty it can affect the whole body eventually. Responsibilities in marriage require the attention of both the couple, if anyone is neglected, the marriage will begin to feel it. The more it increases, the more it impacts the marriage negatively.
Marriage is not an auto machine, once it is set on motion it starts to produce without attention. Marriage has life, and it requires daily care to grow well and be productive. If at a time, you’re beginning to neglect your spouse or the children, maybe through lack of affection, quality times shared, the interest and love for the family will start dropping. Before you know, the interest of everyone involved in that marriage will start dropping.
6. Unresolved Conflicts
Misunderstanding is not a crime in marriage, it’s inevitable. It’s a must in marriage, that is how marriage grows and gains strength. Leaving issues unattended to, does not automatically resolve the issue. You need to defer or avoid any matter that requires immediate attention. A problem dodged is a problem postponed, it can never disappear, you will meet it waiting for you ahead to be sorted. Not sorting it could amount to making your marriage worthless in the long run.
7. Financial problem and laziness
Money solves numerous challenges in marriage, there is no doubt about that. Nevertheless, money is not sand that anyone can just move to the back of his house and take cheaply. Availability of money requires that one should be hardworking. The Bible says Money answers all things.
The strongest marriages can begin to fall apart once financial issues set in. Settling bills does not respect excuses but action and performance. Not being in control of your finances and being prudent in spending, including making investment, can plug a family into financial crises.
When a couple can no longer meet up with family needs, there can be disagreement and arguments that can likely water down the love in the marriage, thereby making the marriage lose value. It is possible for the most affected not to see anything good about the marriage again. None must be lazy, if one is working and the other is busy doing nothing, the load will be too heavy for the family to move forward. No matter how little it is, the one with nothing to do should find something to do and contribute to the wellbeing of the family.
8. Lack or disappearance of Intimacy.
Intimacy, as part of the tools that make marriage work by binding couples closely both physically and emotionally, is very significant to every marital relationship and individual.
Intimacy makes couples say it all to one another. They share things in common in the light of truth and trust. The moment a party goes ahead to break the existing trust, the center can no longer hold, things will start going the wrong way. Intimacy is a grip that family has for shame the devil, devil does not want unity. That is one of the weapons he fears most. To get into a happy family, the first thing he does is to first sow the seed of discord into the family.
The moment there is a misunderstanding, he comes in to expand it to a crisis level and strike. That’s where people begin to get confused about a well-known family who is so intimated but suddenly turn to become the enemies of one another. The absence of intimacy in marriage can make the marriage worthless.
Every individual will start running his government. A single family with two or different governments; of course, that is what the devil wants.
The relationship can remain without a compass if no one tries to bring the family back to track, and that can completely squeeze life out of the marriage.
Disclaimer
Please, if you don’t want to experience what those who eliminated intimacy from their marriages suffered, never jokingly tamper with the intimacy you practice with your spouse. It can turn to something else, which you may not be able to control. Don’t play any game with the devil.
If you win today, it’s because he wants you to win, it’s not that he is not skilled in the game. He only gives a chance for anyone to win the first shot, this will enable him to fully bring you into his side, and start dragging you on the floor.
9. Interference
Interference carries a weapon that can ruin a marriage within a few minutes if matters are not properly verified. It has to do with the involvement of a third party, coming into the relationship to likely position a seat. Any marriage or individual who would allow a third party’s constant involvement in their relationship has constituted Interference. They should be ready to dance when the music begins.
It is not a sin for the third party to contribute to the affairs of a family, after all, they have their role to play in the life of the couple. It’s just that, when the handshake is beyond the ankles, care must be taken. There must be a place to draw the line.
We must not forget that marriage is a bond that holds a man and a woman together as a couple who are required to live together with mutual understanding, trust, and love. Interference without limit from the external environment put to doubt the maturity of the couple.
It’s obvious that misunderstandings can arise, they should be able to sort it out and put a respectable motion in place that will address such a situation in the future. That is maturity, the absence of this is an indication that the couples need to go back to the class. That is not to say there are no issues that require a third party experience. Issues that have to do with life, destiny, and government. When it comes to an external force telling a party to take a step against the other, he or she needs to rethink.
10. Lack of mentorship
Marriage is a life journey that is meant to exist till last breath. Everyone is expected to know that while couples are still together as husband and wife, they are bound to experience both the beautiful and the ugly side of marriage. That is why we always tell young couples, there is no marriage that has up today that will not have the downside one day. That is not for the marriage to break.
Many couples are strange to challenges that occur in marriage, even those who know it, the moment the challenge begins to persist they ’ill start getting weary. These are part of the areas where mentorship covers in marriage.
Couples are not to wait until a problem arises before looking for a mentor.
As a matter of fact, every couple from courtship should have a professional mentor. There are steps to take before the wedding, which will be so sensitive to your marriage, Whether negative or positive, your mentor knows better, you must carry him along.
Every child of God must have the spirit of God. If a mentor is genuine or not, the spirit in you will reveal. Your marriage must have one, whom you can confide in on any matter that concerns your marriage.
A family mentor takes out of his wealth of experience to counsel mentees when the situation is down and helps them to sustain the joy and laughter in their lives.
They are the secret drummers, you are the dancers who take the praise publicly.
Engage them, allow them to drum for you, they are happy doing so, by that you will become an achiever, a good couple you should be.
Mentorship does not only empowers from the foundation, it depends on when you chose to be mentored; it also transforms the existing relationship.
Warning!
If you don’t want a happy marriage, you just want to run a worthless home, don’t bother to have a mentor whose service is about God. If you had one before, you can choose to retire him or her. With that, you have successfully withdrawn the life wires of the marriage.
Conclusion
Marriage does not suddenly lose its worth without indication. In most cases, it is a product of poor decision, uncontrolled characters, and neglect. If a couple or individual now decides to turn things around or avoid the pitfalls ahead, the good news is that situations can be avoided or reversed.
Applying the above points one after the other, or as the case may require, would be a better thing to do.
Marriage is a garden that demands necessary and regular care associated with it, for adequate flourishing. It can be unproductive if neglected like a sheep without a shepherd.
The worth or how worthless a marriage may likely be is a product of what each partner contributes or collectively contributed to the marriage.
No Comments